Running out of Mondays

Restarting my composting. That is one my 2019 New Year resolutions. Actually, I’ve been wanting to restart my composting of wet kitchen waste at home since a year, but time has just slipped through my fingers and I finally realized that there are certain things I need a partner to work with me on—otherwise it’s a non-starter. So I messaged Firdosh and he says he will come next week. Now, I’m confident I will close it very soon. Thinking I could do it myself basically led to this goal bouncing from list to list till it made it to the most clichéd NYR list. I am beginning to realize now that so many things on my list are partner dependent. Exercise and diet are the same. I need a yoga teacher or someone to make me work out beyond my occasional walks. Otherwise, I keep thinking I’ll do it next Monday but next Monday is so elusive. Just like my desire to experiment with veganism for 3 months—how do I keep forgetting? I wish I could afford a consultant to come in and remove all non-vegan products from my kitchen and plan out a robust menu. Or maybe I could just do it myself? Megan from the vegan meetup had mentioned Challenge 22. I’m still to look it up. Running out of Mondays, running out of excuses and either I cannot prioritize, or either I am trying too hard to be something I am not—to do something that is trendy, moralistic or necessary, but not in my karmic path. Or maybe I am just not willing to develop new skills or become more disciplined. Which could be the same attitude that is also affecting my work. Four years ago I finished my life coaching certification and am yet to fully launch my practice. I love the idea of it, I’m clear on my next steps, but I think I need to do a self-coaching session to understand the hold-up. What do I want to do with my music? First step is vocal training. I’ve found the schools, I’m postponing working out the logistics. Am I unable to choose because I know none of these are critical to my survival? Or am I just doing instead of being? I cannot recognize the difference between the tie to do and the time to be? Is that why I am unable to choose and move forward with any of these goals that have been decorating my lists? When I close my eyes what do I see? I see my body fabulously fit. I see myself eating light and right (could be veganism is for me). I see myself singing and dancing while creating social change with my campaigns: respecting all four forms of nature more. I see my son growing up fast and furious and empowered by his mother who is working her ass off to be all that she can be and to create a world in which her values are reflected. A world she wants to raise her son in. But it all starts with me choosing to do or to be, and maybe TO DO is TO BE for me right now.