The Feminists Who Forgot

I love the concept of rights. If it wasn’t for the free world declaration or human rights charter, we might still be enslaving and colonizing each other. Okay, bad example; moving on. I love women’s rights, animals’ rights, minorities’ rights, gays and lesbians’ rights, labour rights, children’s rights, etc. It is right that every form of life on this planet has rights. 

And that is what the feminist movement was originally about—giving women their rights. It was about crumpling chauvinistic tendencies; it was not about crippling men. But somehow, we turned into steroid-driven feminists, taking our business of self-assertion to such an extreme, that we can spell what it means to be a woman but have forgotten what it means to be human.  

Is it possible to dial it back a little? Simply, don’t abuse rights with lies or use them as alibis.  

The modern Indian girl uses her rights as an alibi. She is only outwardly modern. She dresses the part, works the long hours, exercises her financial independence but yet confirms to chauvinistic notions of virginity and hyphenated last names, spending most of her money on phone calls to convince the man in her life to propose.

She still doesn't realize her right to be sexual and single. She won’t risk being called a slut. Why not, asks author and feminist Gloria Steinem. "A man called me the slut from East Toledo. [and], I thought …I'm putting it on my tombstone – here lies a slut from East Toledo.

The ramifications of not appreciating their own sexual rights, is completely anti-feminist. And as a result, women in India who have dated or slept with a partner voluntarily can still charge him with rape if he does not marry them. 

Why are these women only partially feminist? Who do they only assert rights within a chauvinistic framework, then fill up with resentment and get vengeful against their men? Why should any man be forced to marry us? 

Cannot he reject us if after a few months of sleeping with us he realizes we are cranky, demanding, after his money or simply uneventful in bed? Should we be forced to marry a man for any justification? No, right? That’s partly what feminism stands up against—a woman’s right to choose.

Yet, we want his promise to us to be fulfilling even when we cannot fulfill the promises we make/must make to ourselves. 

It’s not about needing a man or wanting a dog. It is about learning to get along and appreciating the value everyone brings to our existence. Feminism wasn't born to create female versions of chauvinistic bigots. It was borne to liberate us from gender stereotyping. Yet, the new woman in power behaves much like the men she fought so hard against.

What is this mean-spirited feminist streak? We bully, manipulate and punish every person the second our identity or ego gets threatened or bruised—false dowry cases, false accusations of domestic violence, holding children hostage to negotiate alimony, or charging someone with rape just because the relationship did not end in marriage. Ladies, alert! Disappointment is not rape. Rape is rape. Don’t dilute the heinousness of actual rape by including consensual-sex-that-went-nowhere in it.

Worse. Women today are capable of earning then why do we seek alimony? We can seek child support, no doubt, because the child belongs to both parents. But why should a man pay for a woman’s lifestyle once she is over 18? Why doesn't she want to support herself? I find the concept of alimony anti-feminist. And the notion that women are better parents/caregivers antiquated.

Just as modern women have grown comfortable in the workplace, modern men have grown extremely efficient in the home space and many enjoy being parents. Strangely, we women spend a lifetime to avoid being called sluts or whores but we take alimony. How does that make us any different if we treat our engagement with a man as a financial transaction? 

Most single women still want a guy to propose but now that they are bold and outspoken feminists, they demand it and chase after it. They don’t want the tables to turn entirely so they won’t propose themselves [rarely]. But they’ll hound the guy because only with a marriage certificate do they feel legit. Only then do they feel more powerful than other single women and sluts. My point: propose to a guy/girl with the love, affection and kindness with which you would want them to propose to you. That is real feminism. That is equality. 

Wanting to be chased in itself is a declaration of inferiority and low self esteem and feminism is supposed to help women gain self esteem. But all we have done is overuse feministic jargon to grow an over sized ego while remaining unsure of ourselves on the inside, forever giving into panic attacks, manipulative gestures and competition with our friends/colleagues to boost our self-esteem.

We’re still lost in the periphery of the feminist vortex when we should already have touched and emerged from the eye of the storm. Most obvious evidence: commercials—financially independent working women promoting and buying fairness products; cranky WAGs smiling only when a man gifts them a diamond, or our obsession with anti-ageing, hair-raising, high-heeled, animal-tested add-ons. 

Is that what we have substituted the men in our lives with? Yes, we don’t need men, true that. But feminism hasn't helped us become independent either. Our self esteem is still dependent on replacements such as designer ware and toxic lifestyles. The modern feminist is still not a team player. She’s just found an aggressive outlet for her insecurities and if a man, animal, plant or child—anything stands in her way, it will be destroyed.

We have simply forgotten why we became feminists.